Phew

I feel better now. I think I was just worried over nothing. Well, not nothing, but something that I cannot get much assurance of while I am far.

It was a lazy sort of day. I didn't feel like doing much except writing, like with a pen and paper. The feel of the ink flowing from the pen to the paper is extremely sensual. Not all paper is the same, not all pens are the same.

That, and I tried to play my dinky keyboard again. Yeah, it really does suck, but I can't expect much for the $5 I paid for it.

My roses seem to grow more red every day. They're luscious!

T-6 and counting.

Raison, cachée derrière un voile de fumée

Was she right to go like that? An ultimatum, failure to respond, then--out the door?

Oh no. It just brings back a whole new flood of conflict in me because I feel I have been in that situation during this whole time. 2 years. I see he has changed so much, but I don't know if it is enough because I am engaged to his microcosm, not just him. I still don't want to go out with his posse. I don't even want to see some of them at this point. Is this how it should be? Do I deserve more? Don't I deserve to spend time as I want? Maybe she was right....maybe I lack courage to act. I have my convictions, and yet, I feel I have compromised so many of them. For love, supposedly.

He has stopped smoking, and he has become more proactive. And yet, I just shudder at the thought of his nights/weekends/whatever of who knows what. Even if he doesn't participate, half the people around him are. He is still complicit. He still shares that moment of....false pleasure. Or is it real to him/them? Whatever it is, I don't want anything to do with that. I've already refused to do certain things. I've voiced my displeasure so many times now.

Where does that put me? I can't say I disapprove, and yet remain at his side. That's lame. I need to do one or the other, and I definitely don't approve of it. What does that mean? Follow her? Am I skirting the issue? Dear God....

Damn. And then, what's worse is that we're so far apart that we can't talk things over so easily.

Happy Birthday SMS!

It was an SMS birthday. I love my girls. They make me the happiest on earth. We talked about nicknames, and how having a nickname is a sign of acceptance into our family. That's a good thing that Yannica has a nickname by now. Without it, it would make people feel a little uncomfortable. Still need to find one for the little bro. However, by far, my favorites are Uncle Rico's name, and Huli Potter. I can't wait to see them at Christmas.

The cake was a small--well not so small--Grand Marnier laced affair, with three luscious ladies lounging on their Greek-style bed. It was our temple to ourselves, as it should be. Happiness is best in its simplest forms.

Now it's late, and there's only one thing to do--bed time!

Say NO to Salon ANU in Ballston, VA!!

Do not go here!!!!!!!!! It is the most unprofessional salon I have ever been to!! I got my hair sheared off, and they charged a fucking $65 for it!? "Thank you, may I have another?" Hell no!!

And the woman cutting my hair, who lacked all esthetic sense and understanding of symmetry, had the nerve to say, "If you like my hair cut, you can come back again." AND "Well, it's my first time cutting your hair. I'm still learning. Next time we'll do it better." Like HELL!!! She says she's been cutting hair for 9 years!!! Doing what??? Shearing sheep? For $65 a pop?

No no no. I should have known something was wrong when that "receptionist" didn't acknowledge me as I walked in the door, and kept chatting with her friend in her tan velour jumpsuit!

Oh the agony. I should have a ceremony for my beautiful hair massacred on this day.

Glory

Glory Hom, a Wellesley sister.

"I'm from the government, and I'm here to help."

Should they have tasered this kid?

Here's the video that's been passing around, a shorter version.

Maybe he was being confrontational, but nothing indicates that he would ever be violent, and he wasn't. Only when he was being physically aggressed. He wasn't even violent, he was naturally pulling away from an unwanted touching. People say he shouldn't have resisted, but when a gang in black are descending on you, would YOU want their hands on you? Would you feel like listening to them?

And a taser? Why did they find that necessary? Violence shall be met with violence, and this kid was not violent. The police are supposed to use reasonable force when confronted with a person. They should set the example. This isn't some street crime in a back alley. This is a school. Yay for the state monopoly on violence.

Time

All right, I admit it. I miss him. A lot. He's coming in 10 days, and yet, time seems to have stopped. The 29th doesn't seem to be getting any closer, but I know it is. One day at a time.

No cards today. He's been trying to send me one a day for the past week, but they've been coming in bunches of 2s and 3s instead. It adds color to my mailbox, and eventually to my room and its bare walls.

My birthday is coming up! I am going to treat myself with a much-needed haircut. That's all. And it's dance day.

Dinner: linguine with caramelized yellow peppers, topped with pecorino cheese, prosciutto, and fresh basil.