Nap time. Bought cheese (a necessity, of course). Someone, please hire me because I want to know I can pay off my student loans.
One day more-- another day, another destiny.
vendredi 28 septembre 2007
jeudi 27 septembre 2007
mardi 25 septembre 2007
Venez nombreux....Un tel merveil le monde n'a jamais connu!
Mon cher Gabriel,
Je t'écris pour annoncer un nouveau projet, un projet qui sera adoré par tout ce qui le rencontre. C'est le projet où Véro va commencer vraiment à aimer--non pas seulement les autres. Elle va apprendre à s'aimer aussi, car pour quelque raison, elle a commencé à douter de ses qualités. Il n'y a même pas d'explication précise. Les études, être éloignée des gens qu'elle aimait, se retrouver au milieu des gens qu'elle n'aimait pas particulièrement, ne plus avoir le temps pour ses loisirs... Quelque soit la raison, cette année va se passer mieux. Elle habite dans une nouvelle ville, avec quelqu'un qu'elle aime, près de son école, avec plus de temps (et pas de piano, mais c'est peut-être une autre histoire...), à deux pas de la bibliothèque.
Elle va se rebâtir, car en se sentant forte et sûre d'elle, elle pourra aimer les autres de la bonne façon. Pas en les diminuant, mais en les encourageant. Exactement comme elle avait rêvé auparavent, comme elle connaissait le véritable amour. Amour pour soi et amour pour autrui.
Le chemin sera long, car il y aurait des égarements, des obstacles, et un long voyage, mais elle est résolue à se retrouver car elle ne souhaite que le bonheur.
P.S. C'est son anniversaire lunaire aujourd'hui! La même date que le festival d'automne au Vietnam...c'est un signe de chance. Un enfant de la lune...
Je t'écris pour annoncer un nouveau projet, un projet qui sera adoré par tout ce qui le rencontre. C'est le projet où Véro va commencer vraiment à aimer--non pas seulement les autres. Elle va apprendre à s'aimer aussi, car pour quelque raison, elle a commencé à douter de ses qualités. Il n'y a même pas d'explication précise. Les études, être éloignée des gens qu'elle aimait, se retrouver au milieu des gens qu'elle n'aimait pas particulièrement, ne plus avoir le temps pour ses loisirs... Quelque soit la raison, cette année va se passer mieux. Elle habite dans une nouvelle ville, avec quelqu'un qu'elle aime, près de son école, avec plus de temps (et pas de piano, mais c'est peut-être une autre histoire...), à deux pas de la bibliothèque.
Elle va se rebâtir, car en se sentant forte et sûre d'elle, elle pourra aimer les autres de la bonne façon. Pas en les diminuant, mais en les encourageant. Exactement comme elle avait rêvé auparavent, comme elle connaissait le véritable amour. Amour pour soi et amour pour autrui.
Le chemin sera long, car il y aurait des égarements, des obstacles, et un long voyage, mais elle est résolue à se retrouver car elle ne souhaite que le bonheur.
P.S. C'est son anniversaire lunaire aujourd'hui! La même date que le festival d'automne au Vietnam...c'est un signe de chance. Un enfant de la lune...
Time to clean up
All right, I really want to succeed now. I don't want to be intimidated by anyone anymore. I'm the one in charge, no one else. I'm not crazy, or even if I am, soit. I'm the one who's here now, no one else. I've spent so long thinking I'm inferior to x, y, or z, and it's not even true. I don't know why I've even started caring about that; I've never cared until a year ago.
I'm not going to let anyone else be the measure of my value anymore, the measure of anything. I make my own path. I am someone no one else will never be.
Me. I'm taking me back. This is my day, every day.
What are my qualities? I do have a lot to be proud of:
1. I can sing pretty well, can memorize lyrics quickly, and compose music on the piano.
2. I can play the piano, probably better if I had one to play.
3. I have a pretty good imagination, which is a blessing and a curse.
4. I write well, in French and English. I think my French grammar is better than that of most French people. I've worked at it.
5. My stepdancing. It's what makes me want to wake up in the morning, and learn new music.
6. I appreciate good food.
7. I am honest, and faithful, and true to my word (which probably is why I only give it on certain occasions).
8. Discipline discipline discipline.
9. I can knit.
10. Old French literature that no one reads anymore--I read it (in between homework...*sigh* not too much time for that now).
11. I am a thorough planner. Detail oriented.
12. I can go to an art museum and feel among old friends among the great masters, same with the opera.
13. I can make rice.
14. I learned about the Civil Law tradition on my own, on the job!
15. I can walk for miles on end.
16. I can make curry.
17. I am left-handed.
18. Photography.
19. I am willing to learn new things, and discover new places.
20. I write with a fountain pen.
21. Everything I try, I make sure to do it well.
22. And then someone says I have anime eyes, which has to be a good thing.
I am a person of value.
I'm not going to let anyone else be the measure of my value anymore, the measure of anything. I make my own path. I am someone no one else will never be.
Me. I'm taking me back. This is my day, every day.
What are my qualities? I do have a lot to be proud of:
1. I can sing pretty well, can memorize lyrics quickly, and compose music on the piano.
2. I can play the piano, probably better if I had one to play.
3. I have a pretty good imagination, which is a blessing and a curse.
4. I write well, in French and English. I think my French grammar is better than that of most French people. I've worked at it.
5. My stepdancing. It's what makes me want to wake up in the morning, and learn new music.
6. I appreciate good food.
7. I am honest, and faithful, and true to my word (which probably is why I only give it on certain occasions).
8. Discipline discipline discipline.
9. I can knit.
10. Old French literature that no one reads anymore--I read it (in between homework...*sigh* not too much time for that now).
11. I am a thorough planner. Detail oriented.
12. I can go to an art museum and feel among old friends among the great masters, same with the opera.
13. I can make rice.
14. I learned about the Civil Law tradition on my own, on the job!
15. I can walk for miles on end.
16. I can make curry.
17. I am left-handed.
18. Photography.
19. I am willing to learn new things, and discover new places.
20. I write with a fountain pen.
21. Everything I try, I make sure to do it well.
22. And then someone says I have anime eyes, which has to be a good thing.
I am a person of value.
This time is the last time, so be here now
We had a nice conversation. He looked so sleepy. I felt so sleepy. I'd only slept like 5 hours last night, maybe him too. Maybe less. In any case, I told him again what was going through my mind. The JC-L episode had really gotten to me because 1) the people were close to Y, 2)the reasons for their separation had been subject of some discussion between us, and 3) I hate seeing couples separate. I've been talking to JC, just because I want to make sure he can figure out what happened, and so he can learn from it. That's important, and I just want him to feel better.
We talked, but both of us were really tired. He laughed when I said I'd been talking to JC. Yann told me this story about when he separated from his ex, JC had been jealous that Yann had been with her. At first I was thinking, "What does this have to do with anything?" Then I think I got it, just now. That JC may have a thing for Yann's girlfriends. It's possible, after all, I guess she was kind of hot, and I'm kind of hot, and foreign. Guys like exotic girls, Asian ones, with big eyes and cherry lips. In any case, there's noooo cause for concern there. As much as I might like talking to him, I don't think that would ever happen. In any case, it might boost Yann's confidence if he is the one to possess the sought-after prize.
I was so glad to see him smile and hear him laugh. He has a sort of moon face when he does. It's adorable.
4 days....I can't believe time is going by so slowly. I'm trying to think of all of the ways I could greet him--just run at him and knock him over with kisses, hide and then jump on him, don't do anything and see who cracks first, just one kiss, take the otter along, hide and not let him see me at all (that one just sucks).....oh the possibilities.
We talked, but both of us were really tired. He laughed when I said I'd been talking to JC. Yann told me this story about when he separated from his ex, JC had been jealous that Yann had been with her. At first I was thinking, "What does this have to do with anything?" Then I think I got it, just now. That JC may have a thing for Yann's girlfriends. It's possible, after all, I guess she was kind of hot, and I'm kind of hot, and foreign. Guys like exotic girls, Asian ones, with big eyes and cherry lips. In any case, there's noooo cause for concern there. As much as I might like talking to him, I don't think that would ever happen. In any case, it might boost Yann's confidence if he is the one to possess the sought-after prize.
I was so glad to see him smile and hear him laugh. He has a sort of moon face when he does. It's adorable.
4 days....I can't believe time is going by so slowly. I'm trying to think of all of the ways I could greet him--just run at him and knock him over with kisses, hide and then jump on him, don't do anything and see who cracks first, just one kiss, take the otter along, hide and not let him see me at all (that one just sucks).....oh the possibilities.
Oh
So this must be what it feels like to lose all you love. I'm an idiot. I was wrong, and now I fear he cannot forgive me. It takes a moment like this sometimes to realize how much you love someone. I love him so much more than I let him know, even when I already tell him 50 times a day.
He's changed his website. His southpark images are all gone. His spectacle section is gone. His LAN section is gone. I didn't want this. I didn't realize the consequences of what I was saying. I would rather see his caricatured friends smiling at me deviantly than nothing. This is not what I wanted. I just wanted him.
I was a fool. I am a fool. I even had a hint of it when I was talking to him last night. I wish I could take back everything, but of course, I can't. I was so wrong! Why did I do that? Pourquoi viens-je de blesser la personne que j'aime la plus? Pourquoi je n'ai pas pu me taire et laisser aller? J'espère que nous pourrons devenir plus forts après ce test. J'ai confiance.
My roses are still going strong...some of them are starting to wilt a little.
He's changed his website. His southpark images are all gone. His spectacle section is gone. His LAN section is gone. I didn't want this. I didn't realize the consequences of what I was saying. I would rather see his caricatured friends smiling at me deviantly than nothing. This is not what I wanted. I just wanted him.
I was a fool. I am a fool. I even had a hint of it when I was talking to him last night. I wish I could take back everything, but of course, I can't. I was so wrong! Why did I do that? Pourquoi viens-je de blesser la personne que j'aime la plus? Pourquoi je n'ai pas pu me taire et laisser aller? J'espère que nous pourrons devenir plus forts après ce test. J'ai confiance.
My roses are still going strong...some of them are starting to wilt a little.
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