A cool Friday

My dear Gabriel,

Today was a calm day because I made it so. After constantly running between errands, school, relatives, and love, and after my extremely late night on Wednesday, I decided to sleep in today, and recover before I execute the final move-in this weekend.

He is not angry with me, which is a good thing. I only scolded him because I am worried for him, and for us. There are some risks worth taking, but I don't think this counts. He may believe otherwise, and he is free to, but decisions such as that could harm this couple. I have not been able to see him for days now, because Skype is down, and the alternative, WengoPhone, does not support video calls without a fight. I know the internet is not a true alternative to being with him. We waste so much time on the internet, while we could be doing something, but maybe it's not so much a waste of time. I love hearing his voice when I can't the warmth of his touch, or seeing a moving image of him, instead of the frozen ones here in my photo album. I miss him more every day. I wish I could show him my apartment, look for furniture with him, go grocery shopping. Little things.

He tells me he has the resources to visit every two months. Now, really, I am sure he could invest that money and prepare something for us when we will be together instead of coming to visit me. It is a long term v. short term vision. At the same time, I know I would love to be able to see him every two months.

It's not as though I don't have things to do, but when I am alone, I have the time to let my sentiments flood my thoughts, and the sense of separation can be overwhelming. I know, I know each person in a couple is supposed to be an independent unit, with her own life, her own friends, her own goals...but that doesn't change the fact that I have decided to share my life with someone else, and right now, there is no way for us to be together.

I spent an evening with JJ before she moves to New York. It was so good to see her, she was beautiful in her floating white and red linen dress. She grows more beautiful every day. I am going to miss her terribly, even though I know she is pursuing a noble objective!

In any case, there is much to be done--boxes to unload and another unscheduled visit to Ikea! Why do they not include their midbeams with their bed packages????