Le Philosophe dans la Cuisine

Je suis en train de lire ce livre de Brillat-Savarin, gourmand extraordinaire et...avocat. Il nous offre des observations sur le gourmandisme assez étonnantes pour leur précision. Elles sont frappantes à travers les siècles. Il décrit l'obesité, ses causes, et sa prévalence dans la haute société. Ce n'est pas un bel état car les membres du corps sont déformés, les activités quotidiennes deviennent désagréables, voire impossibles. Il remarque que l'obesité est surtout prévalente chez les gens qui mènent une vie aisée et qui mangent beaucoup d'amidons (les pommes de terre, le pain, les pâtes...). Véritablement? J'ai été surprise de lire une telle observation. Nous parlons de telles crises sociales dûes à la mauvaise alimentation. Depuis longtemps, je prône les amidons car ils seuls ne peuvent pas faire grossir. Cela reste vrai. Je croyais que cette "guerre" contre les amidons étaient une création des industries de viande ou des gens contre l'OGM ou les subventions agricoles. Pourtant, sous mes yeux, j'ai une raconte d'un des gourmands les plus connus de l'histoire. Il a noté ce même phénomène. Souvent, il suffit de regarder en arrière afin de comprendre le présent.

Cela ne veut pas dire que je vais commencer à dénigrer les amidons. Ils ne font pas grossir eux mêmes. Les gens (à part ceux qui ont des véritables maladies) se font grossir en trop mangeant, en ne pas ayant des activités physiques, et, selon Brillat-Savarin, en ne pas dormant suffisamment.

Son livre est très précis sur autres éléments de la cuisine. Il divise les étapes de cuisson des viandes à merveil. Il comprend bien "la science des rêves" sans utiliser trop de termes techniques. Il comprend surtout l'intéraction humaine. Si vous aimez la vie ou la cuisine, je vous conseille fortement de lire "Le Philosophe dans la Cuisine."

La misanthrope

Je crois que je deviens Alceste petit à petit. Le monde me dégoûte, ses luttes constantes pour le pouvoir, la célébrité, l'argent, l'amour (le sexe glorifié?). Les gens me détournent de la société. Je ne veux pas les devenir, je ne veux plus y penser. Je ne sais pas exactement ce qui provoque ces émotions. Une surcharge d'information? Les émeutes à Paris? La politique envers les immigrés qui y participent (avant, pendant, et après la violence)? Les histoires des amours cassés et déséspèrement recollés avec un peu de scotch dans un placard? être jugé par des chiffres ou des lettres qui, finalement, n'ont aucun rapport avec la véritable valeur d'une personne?

En quoi, en qui, puis-je confier ma confiance? Auparavent, c'était moi. Maintenant, après avoir fait le choix de la confier à un autre, je dois faire l'effort afin de réussir.

Up in smoke

A new day, new prospects, new hope. I can progress. I need to relax.

He tells me that I had demons to burn. I think he's right. They've been coming back now and again, because I've thought of this or that, or something that I remember seeing at his house. Something that made me wonder if he (and I) were able to progress together. I guess it's all gone now. I can't ask for any more. There's nothing more of which to rid myself.

He sent me 2 cards that reminded me of the South, my favorite place on earth. Lavender and street cats. It reminded me of Arles, and my dear Provence. He always knows what makes me happy. I can guess at what makes him happy.

I think I've been frustrated recently because of the internet communication. I talk first, I don't receive an adequate response, and that leads me to try to communicate more to elicit a response. Of course, it doesn't work because then he gets annoyed and stops talking. We need to find a better way. Letters. Paper. photos. something other than words on a screen. Gabriel...et pour te parler, il faut des mots sur un écran. J'en ai tellement besoin--m'exprimer. C'est la seule façon pour moi de vider mon esprit. S'il ne peut pas tout absorber, je dois essayer de trouver un autre récipient de pensées. Même avec un journal en papier et un journal numérique, des chansons et des pages de photos...tout cela ne suffit pas. Parler--voilà ce qui me manque parfois. Ce n'est pas toujours à lui à m'écouter. Pinky?

Anyway, it is up in smoke. The past isn't dead or denied. It's just past, and we are working on clearing the land for a new life.

Ever onward, darling wind.

The pleasure of eating

If there is one thing that makes me sad (maybe I have little to be sad over, but this is important nonetheless), it is seeing people who not only fail to derive pleasure from food, but feel guilty for enjoying it. So, what is their remedy? Not eat? Impossible. People need to eat. Food provides an extraordinarily sensory experience. Sight, taste, smell, sound, and touch. All of those things that numbers and "scientific studies" have distorted.

No, potatoes won't make you fat. Carbs are not "bad." You won't get fat if you eat a piece of dark chocolate cake.

However, you will be miserable if you consistently tell yourself such things, and you fail to recognize that you MUST EAT. Often. to live.

Moreover, what WILL make you fat is depriving yourself of something you love, such as a cookie, and then one day, finding yourself in a room alone with a box of cookies. After lying to yourself and saying that one cookie will make you fat, and after depriving yourself of one small pleasure and letting it fester in your mind and your stomach, what will happen? One box of cookies will disappear into the depths of your stomach, and will cloud your thoughts to the point of insanity. Keep it up, and you WILL be the obese monster you feared you would become.

People are better than this. There is so much pleasure found in a bowl of chicken stew--the chicken cooked so long it slides off the bone, the vegetables rich with the heady savors of wine, thyme, and melded with the other ingredients of the pot. The whole scooped up with thick chunks of warm bread. Afterward, close the meal with a rich dark chocolate cake. A meal needs to end well to satisfy you until the next. Pleasure should dominate your experience.

Eat when you're hungry, and stop when you're full. Don't feel guilty for eating because people need to eat. If you overeat one day, take a salad the next meal, but don't tell yourself, "I'm not going to eat x anymore" because it's not true, and you will make yourself miserable for having broken an impossible promise.

Eat, my friends, and love it.

Thanksgiving

I haven't had such a good Thanksgiving in a while. See, we can make dinner for 10. It was perfect, both times! A good meal in good company. I am so glad to be able to enjoy that.

Time

You know what, Gabriel, it doesn't matter when we can be together. I think I care enough to wait 100 years. We were both frustrated and upset that our plans are not going as we hoped, that it's going to take so long before we can be together. But, really, it doesn't matter as long as we know that one day that option is there, and that we both want it. That's what I hope. I would rather just hope than think of a plan and be frustrated afterward. That's probably why I prefer thinking of what our house is going to be like, and what our wedding will be.

Just knowing that someone is there across the ocean is enough. I don't want to ruin it by trying to plan something unless it has a high chance of success. Right now, it's a temporary stage in my life. We shouldn't plan based on a temporary situation.

Tout ce que je veux, tout ce que je veux depuis 2 ans est partager cet amour. Il est toujours parfait car il dirige tout--le bonheur, la tranquilité, la frustration, la colère, le bruit et le silence. Il est dans tout.

We were engaged in July, and he is still the one I want to spend my life with. Or even--he is the only one I ever wanted to spend it with.

Grève

Je fais grève jusqu'à après Thanksgiving. Nous avons tous les deux besoin de temps. Je suis débordée, je sature d'émotions. Il n'y a pas de haine ou de malice, mais j'en ai besoin. Temps.

YAY YAY YAY

Vielle vielle vielle. 6 months 6 months 6 months. yay yay yay. vielle vielle vielle.

Merci mon coeur de m'encourager à obtenir l'instrument de mes rêves!!!

vielle vielle vielle. vielle vielle vielle.

Wow and woW

Three very important events occurred today.

1: I ordered my vielle à roue. However, I initially ordered it in G, but then I went back and checked and discovered I needed to have it tuned in D! So--I just sent KERBOEUF an e-mail correcting myself. He's probably thinking, "Stupid person is buying my handcrafted instrument." Hehehe...well.... It will be tuned in D now, I hope, because the type of music I want to play is tuned in D. Yess....I will be in business in 6 months. Then, I will need to learn how to tune it, and take care of it, and wash it and feed it and hug it and kiss it....my vielle.... How I have waited for you so long.... I AM SO EXCITED!!

2: I got the Immigration internship. Yes. I knew I was coherent to myself in the interview, but I wasn't sure I was coherent to the 3 people in front of me. I guess I was.

3: Skype is on strike. GOOD. I was beginning to feel suffocated by it. He was becoming unresponsive, which would just make me angry, and then the situation would spiral downward from there. I like that. Quality conversation, not quantity. I feel like I've been glued to my Skype for the past month now. It just happened, I didn't even want it to. It's a good thing. We need some time apart so we can live life and prepare for exams and other things. It's getting busy now. I have a monster paper to write (hopefully by noon tomorrow), and 4 exams to prepare. I have my music to work on, and books to read. He's got games to play, people to see... Really he amazes me. He's really changed so much since the beginning of our relation. He's been wonderful throughout. George Sand says that love is believing in the superiority of the being one loves, and that without it, all that is left is friendship. Well--he's pretty special, even if he does play computer games. He dances with me when I ask him. He also feeds me. So no Skype. I am ready to beat this software into the ground. I don't know how it happened, but at 6,000 miles apart we managed to get TOO CLOSE. No longer. We can live normal lives now.

Rainy Day Man

I have a hero, his name is....well, he's my hero. He ordered my method book for the vielle à roue!! Yes! Bernard Kerboeuf had given me his name and his address, only I didn't know that it was his address. Finally, I figured it out, and found the author on www.pagesblanches.fr. And then I told him, and he ordered it. :) Even if I don't have a vielle à roue by Christmas, I will certainly have a method book to pore over beforehand.

Tomorrow, I am going to call Mr. Kerboeuf and order my first vielle. Tomorrow, and from there--6 months til showtime.

I was happy to see him, but he seemed preoccupied and frustrated. I hope he could solve his problem.

We talked about an article I had seen in the Washingtonian, about women who donate their eggs to fertility clinics. The ones interviewed were professional, women with careers who simply don't want (any more) children, are compassionate toward those unfortunate couples who cannot conceive, and don't mind taking a cocktail of hormones--for perhaps $6,000-$8,000 per egg culling.

Now, at first, I though, "That might be a good idea. I bet I could get more money than that because of my high education [it's true, better educated donors, more beautiful ones, and more successful ones sell for more money.]." But then I thought, "Wait, that means I would have 1/2 of me running around fertilized by someone else's sperm." I know I would have nothing to do with the process once my eggs were donated, but I really didn't like that idea. Actually, my hero pointed that out to me.

It's a strange feeling. On one hand, you'd be populating the earth, without the pain of child birth! On the other hand, you're populating the earth and you won't know about it.

Maybe it's not sch a good idea. Like, if my significant other had donated to some fertility program, I would feel very strange knowing his children were being born in some unknown person's life. I wouldn't like it.

So--definitely no donations of reproductive material.

-----

In other news, well, yesterday. I don't know why that dream would affect me so much. The whole day was just awful. "Just a nightmare." And today, we just acted like it didn't happen. I feel like we need to talk about it. If there's one thing that bugs me more than being upset, it's not talking about it to allay any issues. I wish we could do that better. Today was not the best--he was busy, and I was busy. Maybe we can talk about it tomorrow, when we both have time.

Epuisée

I feel tired, all the way down to my slipped discs. Today I can hardly lift my arms or putter on over to school. It probably has something to do with my dream, but I don't want to talk about it any more.

But yes--tired, and it's Wednesday, the longest day of the week made longer by an evening meeting.

---20h04
You guessed it--I skipped my evening meeting. Oh well. I probably couldn't concentrate anyway. I think I've started seeing things--people more precisely--one person, even more precisely.

I have a boatload of stuff to do tonight. I just need to turn the emotions off.

Roots

Maybe I should become a vegetarian. Being bombarded left and right with accounts of how livestock are raised and slaughtered for human consumption has just left me disgusted with the whole process--chickens, cows, veal, fish, milk.

But then again, vegetables and produce too--spinach recalls and farm subsidies aren't pretty either.

Maybe I should just stop eating everything that comes from a store and make my own food. That would be great, yeah right.

And I wish people would stop operating puppy mills already. But then again--why stop there? Why keep building, why keep letting China pollute itself into oblivion, why let humans proliferate???

There is just so much....

This may be it

Bernard Kerboeuf, I believe YOU will manufacture with tender loving care my very first vielle à roue. I have a name for this creature not yet in existence, but I will wait until she is in my hands before I reveal it.

Vielle à roue

I want it. so bad. *sigh* But I still need to wait at least 2-3 years for it. Sad. Elle ne voit pas la valeur d'un tel instrument car elle ne l'a jamais vu. Enfin, c'est exactement pour cela que je veux être capable de l'avoir sans lui rien demander. Moi. moi moi moi. Sauf--je dois attendre 2 ans, voire 3, voire 4. Ces 3 ans sont un gaspillage de temps. Je gaspille mon énergie, ma vie, ma jeunesse. Je ne serai qu'un tailleur à la fin. Avec argent, sans âme.

Foundation

What we're doing is admirable, yes? I mean, I have some friends who are having difficulties when they only live 100 miles apart. You can drive there for a weekend, no problem. This is, what--6,000 miles we're talking about now? At least. I kind of feel bad that he has to use up his vacation to come to this place, which might not be the most exotic in the world. Couples who live together don't have to worry about when or how they're going to see each other again. They can plan their vacations to Bali or Egypt without any of that. We just need to plan 3 months in advance when we can just see each other, and because that effort is so great, it usually is not in any place other than the other person's abode.

I mean--there is a very large difference in scale. If we've seen each other in my little flat, that means someone has crossed an ocean. Right now we don't have the luxury of planning our global treks--they will have to wait, because having the chance to plan dinner under the same roof is an enormous accomplishment.

However, it has been very rewarding. We're both working hard on it. It's a good feeling to know that, 6,000 miles away, someone is faithful and devoted to you. The level of trust and motivation between the couple must be much higher than that of many other couples who have always been together. That's one thing we can be sure of at this point. We've developed a different type of relationship than the traditional one. It's a completely different type of project that brings you back to the core of love. It's not always about living new experiences because distance prevents that. It's about learning to feel comfortable with yourself and being creative in your expression. There are only so many things to do with distance, but you always have to find something new. It's just different.

I guess right now, it's a little difficult because we cannot plan these huge "vacations" or how to share Saturday night. Circumstances have just required us to have different priorities. Then, when finally we can share a house and a meal and plan our tour of the world, we can be sure that the foundation of the relation was firmly constructed. It's like we're rendering the ground stable and solid for future use.

Game theory and the Environment

Good reasoning. Where uncertainty about whether or not global warming is occurring is high, it is a good idea to undertake a risk analysis of action v. inaction. It's like choosing to run out of the building or not when you hear a fire alarm go off at 2am. You might not know if it's a true emergency, but basically, it's better to be safe than sorry.

It makes sense, right? I think so. I know some people who say that global warming isn't happening. I don't know, really, but it does make sense. Better safe than sorry. Isn't that what we teach our kids? I mean, it's much easier to argue for raising taxes to save the environment than to raise taxes to fund a war, no matter what the war is.

Freshen up for fall

A face lift for Gabriel was in order. It looks more season-appropriate now, perhaps.

Sarko! My love!

Have I not yet expressed my love for Nicolas Sarkozy? I mean, he has it all--he's powerful, he's French, he's not quite tall, nor handsome, but he may be considered dark... I'm not so sure. In any case, he seems to be working hard to pull France out of its 300 year slump and give the French a legitimate reason to be proud of their nationality.

He's got it all. He's even in town for a few days, and he's single. What more could I want? Shouldn't I just call him or something? Sarko--do you want to get a drink with me at Madam's Organ and hear some good ol' DC rock? Why now? We can talk about the evils of corporate taxes, of social security, of free riders and moochers. We can talk about the law, we can talk about culture. JFK? I saw you at the opera in July, in Orange. They were playing Il Trovatore by Verdi.

And then, when the wine (or bourbon, your choice) starts to dance its ways through your sense, we can speak of other things, like power, and how to wield it. The individual, and how to value her. Money, and how to earn it.

I have much faith in you, Monsieur le Président. Much faith, and much optimism.

Chocolate omelet

I meant to make a chocolate cake. I had bought a new hand mixer with which to mix my batter. My eggs were beaten to perfection. My chocolate was, and still is, top notch. The sugar was perfectly measured. Only--I forgot the flour--somehow. So now I have a nice fluffy chocolate omelet. It is delicious served warm, with a nice glass of cold milk.

mmmm

I love Imogen Heap.

Let go.

#*$@%&!#

Damn, I'm just going Crazy. not good.